Prompt:
A stage direction that seems impossible to perform in the real world, but makes your heart leap.-Megan Monaghan Rivas, director/dramaturg/educator
Response:
JASON, 60, steps out on stage carrying an envelope and goes front and center. He tears open the envelope the way Johnny Carson used to open envelopes as Carnac, the Magnificent. He pulls out several sheets of paper and studies them for a few moments. He shakes his head and begins to leave, but stops himself. He looks out at the audience. He goes back to front and center. He looks out at the audience. He drops his pants and stands in his tighty whitey’s his pants bunched at this ankles. He looks out at the audience. He shuffles around in a small circle with his pants bunched at this ankles for comic effect. He looks at the audience. He looks at the papers in his hand. He holds the papers out to the audience as if they could read them.
Behind Jason, a screen lights up showing Jason’s current bank statement.
JASON
I bank at Velocity Credit Union. This is what I have in the bank as of the end of last month.
The screen changes showing Jason’s deposits for the last month. He looks back at the screen. He waits a moment for the audience to read.
JASON
I know that’s hard to understand, so let me break it down for you.
The screen changes with Jason’s deposits broken down by category.
JASON
Here is how much we took in last month. My wife makes nearly all our money. I get a little bit from some natural gas royalties I inherited from my father and I’m a slightly disabled Vet, so I get a little from the government, and we’re foster parents so we get a little more from the government for taking care of our daughters. We only have one daughter living with us at the moment. One just moved out. We will probably get a new daughter soon.
The screen changes again. On the screen are Jason’s expenditures for last month. The screen flips through a couple of pages while Jason waits and from the audience to the screen and back to the audience. Jason waits for the audience to read.
JASON
Here is what we spent on last month. It’s pretty typical.
The screen slowly flips through the pages of the statement.
JASON
Credit card debt. We’re very proud of this.
The screen shows a credit card statement.
JASON
We got in trouble when we were first married with credit cards and we never have more that a few hundred dollars of credit card debt and we always pay that off as fast as we can... That is not all the money we have. We’re buying our home.
The screen changes and shows the original sales price of the home, the current county assessment of the home, and a statement of what is owed on the home.
JASON
We also have some retirement.
The screen changes and shows the amount in Jason’s retirement account and how much it earned last year.
JASON
All told, we don’t have enough to retire on even though we live frugally... for Americans. When my wife’s father dies we’re hoping that he will leave us nearly twice as much as we have now, but... there are some issues, so we may or may not get a share of his money.
The screen goes blank. Jason shuffles around.
JASON
So why am I here. Money. If they weren’t paying me, I wouldn’t be here.
Silence.
JASON
This is also the one thing I have never seen on stage.
Jason bows.
Curtain.
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