30 July 2015

PROMPT:  Each of your characters suffers from a phobia of some kind.

Alison Frost, director/educator

Bonnie, 19, sits at the dinner table looking fearfully down at her plate.  Theodore, 58, sits with her eating from his plate.  Bonnie picks up her fork and pushes around the food on her plate.
BONNIE
What is this crap?!
THEODORE
Stroganoff.
BONNIE
Beef stroganoff?
THEODORE
You know we’re vegetarians.
BONNIE
(picking at her plate)
Those are mushrooms, right?!
THEODORE
Yup.
Bonnie drops her fork with a clank and shoves the plate as far away from her as possible.
BONNIE
You know I don’t eat mushrooms!
THEODORE
Do you know what mushrooms are?
BONNIE
Fungus!
THEODORE
Exactly.
BONNIE
Fungus freaks me out!  It lives on... dead things!
Silence.
THEODORE
So do we.
BONNIE
Are you saying I’m a fungus?!
THEODORE
No, no.  Nearly everything that’s living, lives on other things that were... or are alive.
BONNIE
Are alive!?
THEODORE
Athelete’s foot?
BONNIE
I got it at the last group home I lived in.
THEODORE
It’s quite common.  I’ve had it many times...
BONNIE
Yuck.
THEODORE
All part of the human condition.  Anyway, athelete’s foot is a fungus...
BONNIE
Gross!
THEODORE
A fungus that lives on something that is alive... us.
BONNIE
That’s disgusting!
THEODORE
Your body is filled with other living creatures...
BONNIE
You’re kidding!
THEODORE
Up to five pounds of...
(indicating Bonnie)
... you is made up of bacteria and other organisms that live inside you, including fungus.
BONNIE
That is so disgusting!  Is there a shot or something I can take to get rid of all those... thoses...  Ewww!
THEODORE
You need them.
BONNIE
I don’t need them!
THEODORE
If you don’t have all that flora and fauna.
BONNIE
Flora and fauna... You mean, plants and animals?!
THEODORE
And fungus, yup.  If you don’t have all those critters running around and growing inside you, you couldn’t digest your food.  They help protect you from disease...
BONNIE
Why are you telling me this?!
THEODORE
Because being afraid of fungus is like being afraid of your nose.
BONNIE
Nobody’s afraid of their nose.
THEODORE
Exactly.  There’s fungus in us and we eat lots and lots of different kinds of fungus all the time.  It’s one of the most important things in our food.
BONNIE
(getting interested)
You’re kidding.
THEODORE
Nope.  Cheese.  You love cheese and yogurt and crema.
BONNIE
Yea!
THEODORE
Fungus.  Vinegar, wine, beer.
BONNIE
Fungus?
THEODORE
Fungus.  They filter most of it out, but there is still small amounts in all of them.  And in fact, I buy vinegar that says it has...
(air quotes)
... “the mother” in it.
BONNIE
The mother?  Fungus?
THEODORE
Yup.  A big clump.  Looks like a giant booger.
BONNIE
You are so disgusting.
THEODORE
There are plenty of real things in this world to be afraid of, without being afraid of something we need for our survival.
BONNIE
(indicating Theodore’s shoulder)
Like that spider crawling up your arm?
Theodore leaps up knocking back his chair and slapping at his arm and dancing around in fear.
THEODORE
Get it off me!
BONNIE
Grown man afraid of spiders.
THEODORE
(still dancing and brushing at his sleeve and back)
Get it off!
BONNIE
I lied.
THEODORE
(stopping and glaring)
What?!
BONNIE
No spider.
THEODORE
You little...
Finally, Theodore smiles.
THEODORE
(picking up his chair)
Good one.
Theodore sits back down.
BONNIE
I’m still not eating mushrooms.
THEODORE
(picking up Bonnie’s plate and scraping the contents onto his)
More for me.
End of play.