2 July 2015

PROMPT:  Why are you you and not someone else, like your sister?
Kent Cole, guitarist


Rudy, 45, walks along with Jill, 42.
JILL
I’ve seen pictures.  You and your sister...
RUDY
Both my sisters.
JILL
Look like your mother.
RUDY
(with a sigh)
I know.
JILL
There’s nothing wrong with looking like your mother...
RUDY
Where were you when I was fourteen?
JILL
Living in South Texas.
RUDY
All the girls said I was...
(air quotes)
... cute.
JILL
Cute is good.
RUDY
Cute is not good.  There’s nothing worse than being cute.
JILL
Ugly.
RUDY
If you’re ugly, some girl will take pity on you.  If you look like your mother, you get punched.
JILL
(false sympathy)
Poor baby.
RUDY
That’s why I learned to make people laugh.
JILL
Because people were punching you?
RUDY
To avoid getting punched.  Fortunately, turns out girls like guys who make them laugh.
JILL
Almost as good as guys who have money.
RUDY
(flapping his arms)
Doctor, Doctor, it hurts when I do this!
JILL
Sooo... no money.
RUDY
My sister has plenty.  Smart, successful, married well.
JILL
Smarter than you?
RUDY
It’s not hard to be smarter than an idiot.
JILL
You’re not an idiot.
RUDY
Ask me where Niagara Falls is.
JILL
Where’s Niagara Falls?
RUDY
(turning away)
Niagara Falls!?
(turning back with a malevolent look)
Slowly I turned...
(advancing on Jill)
... step by step...
JILL
(confused)
What?
RUDY
Oh!  Oh yea!  You’re the one with the kind face.
JILL
You are an idiot.
RUDY
No one ever believes me.
JILL
I believe you.
RUDY
Thanks.
JILL
So this is you.
RUDY
Cuteness and old jokes.  Doesn’t have much to recommend it, does it?
JILL
Could be worse.
RUDY
Could be raining.
Thunder.
End of play.